TMSC Consulting SVCS, LLC Developmental Consulting Division

Senior Writer and Editor has Pulitzer Center Citizen Journalism Award 2nd Place and is a Member of Psi Chi National Honor Society in Psychology

Archive for Self Help

Maintaining Relationships

April 15, 2008 at 9:32 pm · Filed under Book: A Collections of Works Sent By Tres About Basic D, Developmental Psychology and tagged: , , , , , ,

Most people live in their own little world, when people are around all the time, they are a part of that world, when they are distant, it may be difficult to maintain the relationship. Dr. Gottman and Joan Declaire’s The Relationship Cure explains how to start, maintain, and end relationships.

To start and maintain relationships individuals Turn Toward One Another:

  • High Energy Responses
  • Full attention with good eye contact
  • Enthusiastic

Reponses:

  1. I hear you.
  2. I’m interested in you.
  3. I understand you (or would like to).
  4. I am on you side.
  5. I’d like to help you (whether I can or not).
  6. I’d like to be with you (whether I can or not).
  7. I accept you (even if I don’t accet all you behaviors).

Responses that may be critical and appear as though someone is verbally attacking:

  1. Broad-based attacks on character.
  2. Speaking in global terms.
  3. Blaming or betrayal.

Relationships are ending in a negative way or harmful, the responses:

  1. Your need for attention makes me angry.
  2. I feel hostile toward you.
  3. I don’t respect you.
  4. I don’t value you or this relationship.
  5. I want to hurt you.
  6. I want to drive you away.

Thoughts, feelings, observations, opinions, and invitations are used to develop a relationship. Including:

  • Affectionate touching
  • Facial expressions
  • Playful touching
  • Affiliating gestures
  • vocalizing

In light conversation or “small talk” respones are:

  1. Small talk-newspaper, TV news, updates on positive things about other people.
  2. Humor
  3. Affection
  4. Problem solving
  5. Connection around heart felt subjects like future goals, worries, values, and meanings.

Start improving your relationships, make a 7 Step Behavior Plan:

  1. Improve your “Small Talk”-Read the Newspaper & Watch TV News.
  2.  Stay in touch with the accomplishments of others.
  3. Improve your Humor-Read the Newspaper Jokes & Joke Books. Stories about yourself that may be humorous.
  4. If it is not broke, don’t fix it, what worked for you in the past? How can you improve that?
  5. Affection-don’t forget to shake hands, hug, kisses on the cheek, holding hands, inexpensive gifts for one another.
  6. Who is important to you to work toward in relationships. Relationship building and maintance takes time and energy, the world has millions of people, who do you want to stay in touch with?
  7. Future goals-goals are wishes written down, values, worries, & plans-Remember to start today improving and maintaining your relationships.

Tres

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